I don’t have to feel guilty about spending a day devouring fun books. My reading doesn’t have to be “serious,” I don’t have to worry about being tested, and I can read to my heart’s content–and feel righteous.

Because. . . it’s, um, work.

So what have I been reading?

Well, a whole lot of genre fiction, commercial reads: a lot of Anne Stuart’s backlist, everything David Baldacci’s written, and I have some of the .99 Kindle downloads to read so that I can see if I like that author’s voice. While I know I’m crazy about Jill Marie Landis’ work, I hadn’t read her Hawaiian goddess books, and since Mai Tai is available for .99, I seized that opportunity to try this newer series from her.

I’ve been trying to read across the board although I haven’t read any sci-fi or fantasy. Hmmm. Maybe I’m NOT reading “across the board” since as I really think about it, I’m reading romance, romantic suspense, and thrillers.

But, so what? It’s. . . all work!

Golly, I love my work. . . .

Now, cookies, what have you been reading–for whatever reason?

So, Story Conference today, looking at a synopsis I’d done. An overly long, everything-but-the-kitchen-sink synopsis, and it might have included the kitchen sink. Atthat point, I couldn’t tell.

But here’s where voice became The Elephant in the Room.

Honest to pete, I know what my voice is. It’s edgy, tense, emotional, dramatic, and when I’m on my game, sexy. What did I have in this gawd-awful synopsis?

Cutesy. Yeah, cutesy.

Now, while I am a fabulous audience (Really, truly I am!) for funny and clever, shugah, I cain’t write funny to save my life.

Unfortunate, but true.

How in the world did all this cutesy, um stuff, make its way into a 31-page synopsis? Huh? Huh?

Because I got caught up with other people’s ideas and voices and lost sight of my own. Other writers could have turned these incidents into rib-splitting fabulosity of funniness and cleverness.

Not me. And, even in my best grammatic mode, not I. Nope, no way.

Now it’s back to the drawing board, thanks to my wonderful writing friend Margaret Watson, to fix this story and get it into my voice. My voice.

It ain’t easy being. . . real. Being yourself.

Even when you know better, really know better, you can still trip yourself up.

You just have to be on guard. All the time.

That’s one of the reasons writing is. . . ‘work.’

Sure, those may all be true. They may all be valid.

But they’re all excuses.

I know that.

But I also know that excuses, fear, avoidance and all that other garbage don’t count for diddly in the grand scheme of things. The only thing that counts, really, isn’t what you fear. . . but what you do.

I’m trying. I’m trying.

Finishing. It’s all about. . . finishing, isn’t it? When push comes to shove?

Like I said, I’m trying.

She tells her core story with such charm and weaves in the historical stuff seamlessly so that it doesn’t burden the story. Well, shoot, she does a lot of things fabulously, but I’m always amused by her ability to pull out some quirky historical detail and then center her story around that historical fact.

Her Regencies are just. . . delicious fun. I’d forgotten how much fun.

Yes.

I went to. . . my local Borders.

And went overboard. Of course.

Because I’ve been waiting for new books from Brad Meltzer (The Inner Circle); Tami Hoag’s second in her pre-high tech forensic science series; the new and unbelievably wonderful The Border Lords by T. Jefferson Parker (I am such a fan of his writing and of his stories; he’s such a terrific storyteller and stylist); and, of course, the new Call Me Irresistible from Susan Elizabeth Phillips.

All four books were there.

You know what I did, right?

I have no, I tell you, absolutely no, ability to resist a terrific story. And four terrific stories? On an icy, bitterly cold weekend?

Well, of course I bought all four. And that’s what I’m looking forward to while the Bears and the Packers battle it out for a Super Bowl berth. Whee!

But it did–and it was almost perfect. There will always be an empty chair at our table, and that reminder keeps perfection just a step away. Still, thanks to Wes’ sisters, their children and husbands, and friends, Rob had the magic of Christmas to wind up 2010. I love that they’ve all extended themselves on Rob’s behalf and in memory of Wes. I find that very endearing, and it touches me deeply.

Perhaps I’m at a point in my life where sentimental things resonate more powerfully with me. Maybe it’s that I’ve been to too many funerals and wakes lately. I don’t know, but the passage of time weighs on me at this time of year most powerfully.

Or it could just be my habit of starting up a new calendar and filling it out, then realizing that I’ve already blocked out a lot of 2011!

I’ll remember the good stuff from 2010, though, even as I make up my lists and goals for 2011. There were so many moments of joy and silliness, and I feel very, very blessed by the people in my life. Hope you do, too.

Do you have a best moment of 2010? A really good motivation to achieve something in 2011? I do. And I’m going to work really hard to wind up saying in December, 2011, that I. . . .

Nope. Not going to jinx myself by saying it out loud! Stay tuned! And wish me luck?

Leaving you with an image of the year’s first sunrise, from The Son and Heir in Tokyo, to start off your brand spanking new year. Make the most of 2011!

First Sunrise of 2011 as seen in Tokyo

1 cake mix
2 packages of pudding mix
4 cups of milk
1 tub of Cool Whip

Bake cake according to directions on the box in a 9 x 13 pan. Allow cake to cool to touch. Take a large wooden spoon and using the handle poke holes into the cake. Don’t worry about making the rows even, just get in there and give it a good poke all over. Pour pudding over cake saving about 1/2 cup for topping. Make sure there aren’t any air holes in the pudding/cake combination. Mix remaining pudding and about 2 cups of Cool Whip and use as frosting. This cake gets better with age, so you can make it a day ahead if you like. Be sure to put it in the fridge to store it. You can use sugar-free pudding to save calories and sugar.

This recipe is from Cook’s Illustrated, which is my favorite source of new recipes. They have a semi-monthly magazine and they also publish cookbooks which are compilations of their recipes. If you like to cook, check them out. They’re awesome!

Key Lime Pie

LIme Filling
4 tsp. grated zest plus 1/2 cup strained juice from 3 to 4 limes.
4 large egg yolks
1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk.

Graham Cracker crust
11 full-sized graham crackers, processed to fine crumbs (11/4 cups)
3 Tablespoons granulated sugar
5 tablespoons butter, melted

1. For the filling: Whisk zest and yolks in medium bowl until tinted light green, about two minutes. Beat in milk, then juice; set aside at room temperature to thicken.
2. For the crust: Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Mix crumbs and sugar in bowl.. Add butter, stir until well-blended. Scrape mixture into 9-inch pie pan; press crumbs over bottom and up sides to form even crust. Bake until lightly browned and fragrant, about 15 minutes. Transfer to wire rack, cool to room temperature, about 20 minutes.
3. Pour lime filling into crust; bake until center is set, yet wiggly when jiggled, 15-17 minutes. Return pie to wire rack; cool to room temperature. Refrigerate until well-chilled, at least 3 hours.

I serve it with sweetened whipped cream.

My wonderful friend Julie brought this cake to CreativeFest ’04. It is TO DIE for, truly delish!

Every time I have lemons now, I think of the great fun and inspiration the CreativeFest brings to my writing.

Julie’s Lemon Cake
(This is my version of a cake I saw the Barefoot Contessa make)

2 sticks unsalted butter (room temp)

2 cups superfine sugar

4 eggs (use pasteurized eggs if you want to lick the bowl!)

lemon zest from 4 or 5 lemons

3 cups cake flour

½ teaspoon baking powder

½ teaspoon baking sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup fresh lemon juice

3/4 cup buttermilk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon coconut extract (I think it adds to the buttery flavor. Yum.)

Syrup-glaze

1/4 cup lemon juice

1/4 cup water

½ cup sugar

4 tablespoon butter

Bake at 350 degrees. Grease and flour (2) 8″ loaf pans (Thatâ 1 to keep and 1 to share!)

Cream the butter and sugar until it lightens in color. Add the eggs slowly, then the zest. (No tasting yet!)

Whisk the dry ingredients together. Mix the liquid stuff (lemon juice, buttermilk, extracts) in a container with a pour spout. It makes the next step easier. (I use my big glass measuring cup.)

Alternate adding wet and dry to the fluffy sugar. End with dry ingredients–it makes the batter smoother. Divide the batter into the two loaf pans and smooth it flat. (Oops! Is there batter left on the spatula? Better lick that clean before you put it in the dishwasher. You wouldn’t want to clog the machine.)

Bake 45 minutes to 1 hour and enjoy the scent of lemons, sugar and butter wafting through your home. No tasting yet! The cakes need to cool at least 10 minutes or they will mush and crumble when you try to take them out of the pans.

While you’re standing around drooling, make the syrup glaze! Melt the sugar, water and lemon juice over low heat. Bring it to a simmer, and watch it reduce and thicken. (You baking know-it-alls probably recognize we are making a simple syrup with lemon juice for extra zing.) Plop the butter in a tablespoon at a time.

Spoon the syrup over the cakes. Poke some small holes to let the liquid seep into the cake. (Use a toothpick or a kabob stick. No fingers!) Don’t try to sauce the cakes while they are in the pan. The syrup gets hard and sticky fast. You’ll have to scoop and scrape the cake to serve it. Not a fabulous presentation. (Although no one in my household complained.)

Dust with powdered sugar just before you serve it. Enjoy!

Jan’s Scalloped Pineapple Casserole
6-8 servings

1/2 C (1 stick) butter, room temp
3/4 C sugar
4 eggs
1 20 oz can CRUSHED pineapple, drained
1 1/2 tsp lemon juice
1/4 tsp nutmeg
3 C firmly packed, cubed white bread (about 5 slices or so)

Preheat hoven to 350 degrees. Butter 1 1/2 qt baking dish. (I prefer deep rather than shallow–keeps it nice and moist.)
Cream butter and sugar until smooth. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gently stir in pineapple. Blend in lemon and nutmeg. Fold in bread cubes. Spoon into buttered dish. I often cover w/foil for part of the baking time, but you don’t have to. Bake until top is lightly golden, about 50 min. Serve hot!

Can be mixed ahead and baked before serving. Reheats beautifully in microwave.